


walked the line again today

by crookedspoon



Series: [std] Five Hundreds [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Future Fic, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Joseph Kavinsky Lives, M/M, POV Joseph Kavinsky, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: Kavinsky is good now. Which doesn't mean he no longer has bad days. Like, really bad ones.





	walked the line again today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [galateaofthewestside](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galateaofthewestside/gifts).



> Written for the long overdue “I’ll knock you out. I don’t want to. But I will!” from [this prompt list](https://crookedspoonfic.tumblr.com/post/165091689035/one-line-prompts) on tumblr and #1/#500 "Fantasies" at slashthedrabble.
> 
> I want to write Kavinsky being okay now, and then this happens. But at least I managed to write something again, praise be.

Kavinsky is okay now. Mostly. Most of the time.

He has good days now. Days that are good in a not chemically enhanced way. Before, he never would've thought they existed. Or that he'd ever be privy to them. They sounded like a fucking unicorn that shits gold or something.

Like something impossible.

Except, he'd been doing the impossible since he was three years old and never thought twice about it.

Gives you a massive case of megalomania, that does. And why the fuck not? He could literally make his dreams reality, or part of his dreams. Parts. Strange objects made tangible.

It doesn't work on abstract dreams, or wishful thoughts, however. You can't make anyone like you if they don't. He found that out the hard way.

Still stings when he thinks about it sometimes, which he doesn't, not voluntarily. It's more that it jumps out at him, when he sees a black tank top on the streets, or the back of a shaved head. Makes him fucking angry, too. He wants to forget all about that shit. Drinking doesn't help with that.

Lynch has never been worth his time, he knows that now, but he'd been obsessed. Obsessed and so fucking lonely.

You do stupid shit when you're young. Like attempt to destroy the world just to get a boy to like you back. Not the smartest move, and not one that worked out in the end, but you can't fault a guy for trying.

Not that you stop doing shit as you get older. Just because Kavinsky has met the rare unicorn of a good day doesn't mean that bad days are a thing of yesteryear.

And his bad days can get pretty ugly.

He needs supervision during those, because old habits are hard to shake. He's got Swan on speed dial, which used to mean a different thing. Skov too, but Skov couldn't wrestle Kavinsky to the ground to save his life. Both their lives. But mostly Kavinsky's. Which is what this shit is all about.

He can do without wrestling Kavinsky, though.

One time, when Kavinsky felt like cleaning out his brainpan with a bullet, Skov checked in on him. He must have been on something that didn't agree with him, because he was _wired._ Like agitated and yelling at Kavinsky to put that thing down or, so help him, “I’ll knock you out. I don’t want to. But I will!” kinda wired.

That shit was hysterical, about as hysterical as Skov himself, which tickled Kavinsky's funny bone. He couldn't have stopped laughing if he tried. The gun slipped from his fingers as he wiped away the tears.

Skov, the fucking lifesaver. It still makes Kavinsky smile to think about it. Especially when he feels the real need to do himself in. It's a sardonic smile then, but at least Kavinsky retains a twisted sense of humor even when everything else is shit.

Good days come again and memories like this help him hold out.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Diary of a Madman" by Ozzy Osborne.


End file.
